The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer for the 21st Century by Gloria G. Brame

Author:Gloria G. Brame
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
Tags: PSY016000, HEA042000, SEL034000
ISBN: 9781926918563
Publisher: CCB Publishing
Published: 2011-06-13T20:00:00+00:00

Chapter Four

Talking About Sex

Talking = Thinking = Healing

The single biggest obstacle to greater levels of sexual health and well-being among adults is the absence of open, calm, and sensitive public discussion of sexual issues in our society. If we can’t talk about sex, then it is impossible to think critically about sex. And, if we can’t think critically about sex, we cannot develop maturity or wisdom about the subject. For those reasons we remain, as a culture, adolescent in our sexual attitudes and behaviors, and intellectually mired in 19th century beliefs. Moreover, I believe it’s why people are still so confused and mystified about sex; they don’t know what they should know, and many of the things they think they know about sex are simply wrong.

Out-dated ideologies still control the debate about sex. Think of all the times one hears so-called experts on matters of love, marriage and sex espouse the same old notions:

• that the only moral sex is sex between married heterosexuals

• that infidelity means (or should mean) the end of a marriage

• that sexual variations are abnormal

• that men have a stronger sex drive than women

• that all women and all men naturally adhere to fixed standards of sexual normalcy

Myths like these are so frequently repeated, even by sex and relationship experts, that they form the backbone of contemporary public opinions about sex. And, again, they are all wrong, at least if we examine the wealth of evidence which has repeatedly proven them wrong.

Several years back, Gina G., a rather rich lady called me. She had listed me as number three on her call-list of famous sex therapists, and after consulting the first two was more confused than before. Both were far better known than me, regularly surfacing on radio and television shows, with reams of books to their credit. I doubted I could offer her better advice than they’d given. Until I heard her problems and the advice they’d given her. Suffice to say, better some people should sell fish rather than advise the profoundly troubled souls who occasionally show up in a sex therapist’s practice.

On the surface, she was having difficulty achieving orgasms with her boyfriend during sex. But the story she told involved infinitely more than their current issues with sexual intercourse — their trust in each other was nil, their history of acrimony was frightening, they had a very unwholesome co-dependency, and both of them had deeply unhappy, dysfunctional personal histories. Yet, instead of helping Gina to accept that her issues went far, far beyond orgasms and would require a comprehensive treatment approach (therapy and medication), they both gave her technical tips on positions, exercises, and lubricants.

She faithfully followed their advice but it didn’t work, as anyone with a solid education in the field would have predicted. By providing nothing more than some friendly advice on “try it this way” or “touch that place,” they encouraged her in the common mis-belief that sex is of the body and that if you can just find the right position or magic touch, your sex problems will be solved.

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